You’re not a terrible person. You’re a hurt daughter who was confronted with the same pattern all over again.
Your mom didn’t show up to reconnect, reflect, or repair the relationship. She showed up because she needed money. That matters. If she had reached out first to apologize for missing your wedding, to acknowledge the years of distance, to take responsibility—that would be different. But she led with a hug and went straight to a financial request. That reopens old wounds.
You laughed because it was absurd and painful. After being sidelined for her “perfect family,” after being skipped over for a vacation, she reappears only when she’s in debt. That’s not reconciliation—that’s convenience.
The guilt you’re feeling is normal. Society programs us to believe we owe our parents access, forgiveness, and support no matter what. But relationships—yes, even parent-child ones—require mutual care. You needed her when you were eight. You needed her at your wedding. She chose differently.
Protecting yourself isn’t cruelty. It’s boundary-setting.
Now, the real question isn’t “Am I heartless?” It’s: What kind of relationship, if any, would feel safe for me? If someday you choose limited contact, or even financial help with strict boundaries, that’s your decision—not something you owe out of guilt.
You didn’t become her. You became someone who finally stopped accepting less than she deserved.
