My dad lived on the other side of the world. He died two days ago. Ever since, my family has been on my case about flying over for his funeral. It’s a 20-hour flight, super expensive, and they’re all saying if I don’t go, I’ll regret it forever. To them, I’m already the bad guy for refusing.
But here’s the thing: this man walked out on me when I was 8. He packed his bags, moved abroad, and started over with a new family. He didn’t say goodbye. No phone calls, no visits. Just the occasional birthday card that I later realized wasn’t even in his handwriting. My mom raised me on her own, and I learned early on not to expect anything from him.
Now he’s gone, and his “new family” wants me to show up and act like I was part of his life. They expect me to stand there crying at his grave when he never cared enough to show up for me.
Here’s where it gets complicated. Yesterday, one of my half-siblings reached out to me privately. I was shocked when he told me they found a box of letters my dad wrote to me over the years but never sent. Apparently, his wife (their mom) kept them hidden. The letters were full of apologies, regrets, and promises that he wanted to make things right. He even said once that he’d bought tickets to visit me but never went through with it.
So now I don’t know how to feel. On one hand, I feel like I owe nothing to a man who abandoned me. On the other, what if he really did regret it and I never gave him the chance? Am I wrong for staying home, or is it okay to protect myself even if it makes me the villain?
