My husband and I are in our 70s and proud grandparents to five wonderful grandchildren. For each wedding, we follow a tradition: we buy a small item from the registry and, the day before the wedding, privately gift the couple a $40,000 check to help them start their life—usually toward a home. We ask them to keep it confidential.
When our youngest granddaughter, Eloise, got married last October, we sent her the cheapest item on her registry—an air fryer. Instead of gratitude, she called furious, accusing us of being cheap and embarrassing her. Hurt by her tone and disrespect, I revealed our usual tradition about the $40,000 check. She dismissed it in anger and hung up.
After much thought, we decided not to give her the money. We felt her reaction showed entitlement rather than appreciation. Weeks later, she discovered her cousins had received the gift and called us again—this time accusing us of discrimination and punishment. She insisted she “needed” the money and even threatened to boycott Christmas.
We calmly explained that it wasn’t about the air fryer—it was about respect. We have always supported her, including paying for college, and she is financially comfortable. Love and gratitude matter more to us than money.
Now the holidays may be quieter, but our hearts remain open. We hope one day she reflects and chooses understanding over entitlement.
